ON ADOPTION

GIVEN UP, GIVEN A CHANCE

As an adoptee, one thought that I really want to convey on the topic of adoption is this: I believe adoptive parents should try and maintain a balance between being too protective of their adoptive child, and accepting the reality that an adoptive child feels differently about themselves than do children of natural parents. It is a delicate balance to maintain, to be sure, and not an easy balance to achieve.

No matter how much love is shown to the adoptive child, or how much the parents try to show their adoptees that they belong in their family, the reality is, there is no getting around this feeling, (however slight), in the back of the adoptee's mind that that they just don't quite fit in. (By the way, not all adoptive parents choose to let their adoptive children know they were adopted, but I've known I was adopted for as long as I can remember).

Because of this feeling of not quite fitting in, some adoptive parents try to overcompensate for the fact that they didn't actually give birth to the child by holding on too tight to them. For example, my mother always told me how special I was because she "chose" me. She was always very overprotective of me. I rarely was permitted to sleepover at friends' houses, until I was a teenager, and then it was rare. Once I began dating or going out with friends, my curfew was 10 p.m. As I became older, it was moved up to 11 p.m., but it remained 11 p.m. until I left home. She worried about us all of the time. I was never allowed to attend a church camp, and my brother only went once. She was very reluctant to let either of us grow up and give us wings.

My thinking is that she felt that it had been so hard for her to be able to have two children to raise, that she didn't want to risk losing us, so she kept us on a short leash, so to speak. So, adoptive parents should realize that it is natural for an adoptee to occasionally experience feelings of inadequacies, a sense of not belonging, or moments of wondering, "what if (I hadn't been adopted by this couple)," but parents should not foster the feelings by babying the child or smothering them with affection.

Just one example of an instance where feelings of not fitting in could occur is in the area of Science classes at school. I recall several school years in which we would have a unit of study on "Hereditary traits." The study of these units can be very uncomfortable, and even a nightmare for some adopted children. Imagine a homework assignment in which you are to research the history of brown eyes within your family tree. The next morning, when you're called upon to share your findings, you either report no findings, or you just share the history of your adoptive parents, and pretend like you are just like every other student, while deep down, you feel as though you're keeping a secret from rest of the class.

Parents should just accept that these feelings are present, and do their best to help the child assimilate into their environment without feeling as though they have to convince the child that they are somehow "better" (for lack of a better term) than their peers, simply because they were chosen by their adoptive parents. What I'm trying to say is, resist the urge to treat them differently, even though, in reality, the child may feel as though they are somehow different. When the child is treated differently by the parents, it serves only to reinforce these feelings.

Family gatherings are also potential occasions for feelings of not belonging, especially if there are a lot of cousins in the mix. When I was a child, we would all gather at my grandparents' house for Christmas. My adoptive father has four brothers, and two sisters. From those families, I have (9) cousins, none of which were adopted. They all knew that my brother and I were adopted, and although the other children very rarely treated us any differently, there were times when I would question, "Are they thinking, 'You're not REALLY my cousin,'" or "Are they whispering about me behind my back?" (or other such nonsense). When you get older, these feelings seem to subside, but during childhood, they can seem like mountains. Perhaps if I had felt comfortable enough to talk these feelings over with my parents, they wouldn't have seemed so insurmountable. But I never discussed them, for fear that my parents wouldn't understand. I was afraid that they would feel as though they were failing, somehow.

This is why adoptive parenting is NOT for the faint-hearted. It should be entered into after much prayer, fasting, and seeking God. I feel it is far better for Christians to adopt than non-believers, because Christians better understand the dynamics of the relationship between our Heavenly Father and us, his "adoptees." (Ephesians 1:5)

BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES, MATIES..............
.................she's here!
The effects of Katrina are expected to be far-reaching.

Even here, in Middle Tennessee, schools have been cancelled for tomorrow, (due to "inclement weather") and Wednesday is being played by ear!

Let's keep everyone in the path of this storm in our prayers, as well as the families who have already lost loved ones due to the storm.

A PSALM OF TELEVISION

Now, I love television as much as the next person--maybe even more. But I have to admit that there is such a thing as watching too much television. Am I guilty? Most likely!!

The TV is my shepherd, I shall not want,
it makes me lie down on the sofa.
It leads me away from the scriptures,
it destroys my soul!
It leads me in the paths of sex and violence for the sponsors' sake.
Yea, though I walk in the shadow of my Christian responsibilities,
There will be no interruptions--
For the TV is with me.
Its satellite and remote control, they comfort me.
It prepares a commercial before me in the presence of my carnality;
It anoints my head with humanism, my coveting runneth over.
Surely laziness and ignorance shall follow me all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house watching TV to the end.

A COMPARISON OF RELIGIOUS THEORIES
(it's tongue-in-cheek, folks)

Krishna - He who plays with the most toys wins.

Catholicism - He who denies himself the most toys wins.

Anglican - They were our toys first.

Greek Orthodox - No, they were OURS first.

Polytheism - There are many toy makers.

Evolutionism - The toys made themselves.

Baptist - We have played with this toy this way for years, and we are not going to change.

Church of Christ Scientist - We are the toys.

ECB'ers (this one is for the "Camponthis" blog readers)-If you don't repeal this tax on all toys, we will stage a boycott of the toys, and see that you are not re-elected.

Amish - Toys with batteries are surely a sin.

Taoism - The doll is as important as the dump truck.

Paganism - Forget the rulebook. Let's play!

Hinduism - He who plays with bags of plastic farm animals loses.

7th Day Adventist - He who plays with his toys on Saturday loses.

Church of Christ - He whose toys make music loses.

Jehovah's Witnesses - He who sells the most toys door-to-door wins.

Pentecostalism - He whose toys can talk wins.

Existentialism - Toys are a figment of your imagination.

Non-denominationalism - We don't care where the toys came from, let's just play with them.

Atheism - There is no toy maker.

Agnosticism - It is not possible to know whether toys make a bit of difference.

Mormonism - Every boy can have as many toys as he wants.

Church of Scientology - ToysRUs

Presbyterian- These toys were chosen for you to play with and these were chosen for me to play with.

Apostolic Faith/UPC (Oneness Movement) - There is only one toy, and it is in our church.

Crystal Cathedral - There are no bad toys, and no bad toy players.

Methodist - Toys are toys are toys.

Assembly of God -It doesn't matter how you play with the toys as long as more people join in with you.

Name-it-Claim-it - I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys. I have toys.

Word of Faith - Send me $100 and I will tell you "How you TOO can have more toys."

MODERN DAY PRAYERS

Lord help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at precisely 7:41:23 am CST.

God help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

God help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault.

God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, please feel free to ASK me!

Lord, help me to be more laid back, and help me to do it EXACTLY right.

God help me to take things more seriously, especially laughter, parties, and dancing.

God give me patience, and I mean right NOW!

Lord help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

God, help me to finish everything I sta

God, help me to keep my mind on one th -- Look, a bird -- ing at a time.

God help me to do only what I can, and trust you for the rest. And would you mind putting that in writing?

Lord keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be.

Lord help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

Lord help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.

Lord, help me slow down andnotrushthroughwhatIdo.

Amen.

(Some of) What I Did on Vacation


Lookout Mountain United Methodist Church at dusk.

Vacation: July 26 - July 29, 2005. First off, I have a question: When did vacations become such hard work? Was it when I became an adult? I don't remember having to work so hard to have a good time when I was on vacation as a child. I don't remember even noticing or caring how hot the temperature is, or what the humidity and perspiration was doing to my hair, etc. Oh well, I suppose that's part of the magic of childhood. Since this was an abbreviated vacation, I ended up spending a large portion of the time exploring the Lookout Mountain/Chattanooga area of East Tennessee. (See photos I took below). The area is rich in Civil War history. The defeat of the Confederate army in this area allowed Sherman to continue his march into North Georgia, through Atlanta, and eventually to the sea in Savannah, GA. In 1890, Arthur MacArthur, (yes, that was really his name), father of General Douglas MacArthur, received the Medal of Honor for his Civil War service at Missionary Ridge in Chattanooga.

I picked up two really interesting souvenirs while visiting the battlefield park on Lookout Mountain--authentic reproductions of the Confederate Soldier's Prayer Book, (scanned image above) and the Union Soldier's Prayer Book, both from 1861, in the same form as the booklets the Civil War soldiers carried with them during the war. Inside both pocket-sized booklets are prayers, scriptures to meditate upon, and beautiful hymns like "When I Survey the Wondrous Cross," and "All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name." It is encouraging for me to know that these songs were being sung by American troops while in battle on the very soil that we as Christians do spiritual battle every day.




Sky Bridge-Rock City


View of Lookout Mountain from downtown Chattanooga.


A trio of goslings cool off during a swim across the lake.


PCA's Convenant College--atop Lookout Mountain, GA


Young "Austin." A virtuoso in the making.......pacifier included.
(Opie Taylor?)


Is this duck impersonating Don King?


"Castle in the Clouds"--Georgia's Covenant College

My obligatory photo of infamous Rock City.